i recently had a grand epiphany. everybody would agree that an awesome benefit at any job is to have your own designated parking spot that nobody else can use but you, right? similarly, i would bet that everybody secretly wishes the same benefit could be applied to bathroom stalls. how cool would it be to have your own designated bathroom stall at work that nobody else used but you??
i figured out a way. right when you get into work (before anybody else uses the restrooms), go in and throw a clean piece of toilet paper into one of the toilets. it's that simple. afterall, it's common knowledge that going into a stall that hasn't been flushed is a huge public restroom no-no. so, if you create the illusion that the toilet hasn't been flushed after use, people won't use it and THAT STALL BECOMES YOUR VERY OWN!! then, everytime you use it, (flush first) drop a clean piece of toilet paper in there before leaving.
feel free to bring in a small plant, maybe a nice scented candle... you know, make it more personalized and homey. your experience at work will improve tenfold. money back guarantee.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
June 13, 2008
February 5, 2008
thoughts for a tuesday
- my new office lamp looks like a female leg pointing her toe and it’s kind-of freaking me out
- yesterday i went to heidi’s deli for lunch and soon realized that i was one of two girls in the entire restaurant of about 50 people (might i remind you – it’s a deli, not a gentlemen’s club). i could hardly focus on what i wanted to eat because i was laughing to myself the entire time and thinking of different taglines in my head that i could sell to heidi’s for a small chunk of cash. i wonder if it was called esteven’s deli would it be all women eating there?
- if you are deep frying homemade eggrolls, do not use a pot thinking maybe the oil will splatter less. it’s amazing how quickly an entire apartment can fill up with smoke so thick you can’t reach the smoke detector to rip the battery out
i'd really appreciate you not calling my apartment complex and letting them know we don’t have a battery in our front room smoke detector. thanks
- there were two new songs that i know of in the past year about girls named chelsea (this is big news – i’ve never known a song about a chelsea before). chelsea dagger by the fratellis and chelsea by stefy. sadly both of them are about cheaters/show girls… i’m scared for the future of the name chelsea
- i’m concerned that my female leg lamp is subliminally making me write about things like gentlemen’s clubs and show girls. i’m scared for the future of the men in my office who get this lamp on their desks
- yesterday i went to heidi’s deli for lunch and soon realized that i was one of two girls in the entire restaurant of about 50 people (might i remind you – it’s a deli, not a gentlemen’s club). i could hardly focus on what i wanted to eat because i was laughing to myself the entire time and thinking of different taglines in my head that i could sell to heidi’s for a small chunk of cash. i wonder if it was called esteven’s deli would it be all women eating there?
- if you are deep frying homemade eggrolls, do not use a pot thinking maybe the oil will splatter less. it’s amazing how quickly an entire apartment can fill up with smoke so thick you can’t reach the smoke detector to rip the battery out
i'd really appreciate you not calling my apartment complex and letting them know we don’t have a battery in our front room smoke detector. thanks
- there were two new songs that i know of in the past year about girls named chelsea (this is big news – i’ve never known a song about a chelsea before). chelsea dagger by the fratellis and chelsea by stefy. sadly both of them are about cheaters/show girls… i’m scared for the future of the name chelsea
- i’m concerned that my female leg lamp is subliminally making me write about things like gentlemen’s clubs and show girls. i’m scared for the future of the men in my office who get this lamp on their desks
September 24, 2007
il n’y a pas le feu
i’m really just writing this post as an excuse to use my favorite french phrase.
so as it turns out, i could have died the other day. this is my office building
and this is my floor
on the plus side of being the top floor, the 360-view of outside and sunshine(!) are unbeatable. the only thing that would make it better would be if it was one of those spinny restaurants that moves around in circles as you eat. we do have free pretzels and granola bars at my office though, so i guess that’s kind-of the same.
on the down side, you’re always the last to know when the building’s on fire. we were all diligently (lie) working when one of our consultants runs over and announces “um…there are like 100 people on the grass outside...looks like they’re evacuating the building.” i was careful not to use any exclamation points to describe her announcement because there was no exclamation involved. this might be a good time to say that i work for a really laid-back company.
so, after we all got done with what we were working on, picked up all of our personal items and finally started smelling smoke, we decided to join our building-buddies in the grass (after meandering down the 12 flights of stairs). there was lots of smoke. and this is what came to our rescue.
there were probably about 32 fire trucks, a couple of ambulances, a few dozen police cars and even one of those cool unmarked vans you see on csi. it was like a little party – only i was sad everyone forgot the marshmallows (i guess i never knew that word was spelled with an “a” as in mallow. i always pictured an “e” because marshmellows mellow me out. what is a mallow anyway? (it’s a plant…i just looked it up)).
so, tons of flashing lights and smoke and a surprising amount of unalarmed onlookers. i guess everyone was secretly hoping the building would burn down because, hey, day off! i wanted to let my loved ones know that i was a goner so this is the string of texts i sent meghan. i had to keep sending her stuff because she kept not responding (she claims her phone was dead) (i don’t believe her)):
1. maybe my office is on fire
2. that’s it for me!
3. i’m a goner!
4. tell milo i love him very much
5. goodbye cruel world!
6. woman! do you not care that your only sister is dying in a fire here?
i have such a caring family. don’t worry though. i was just trying to scare her. i wasn’t really dying. just sitting on the grass watching the firefighters spray water all over the place. as it turns out, our official office dumpster was on fire..not the actual building. i’m not really sure that it’s our official dumpster, but i assume it is because clearly someone wanted to burn it down and that only happens with official stuff. also, how else would you explain the csi van?
so as it turns out, i could have died the other day. this is my office building
and this is my floor
on the plus side of being the top floor, the 360-view of outside and sunshine(!) are unbeatable. the only thing that would make it better would be if it was one of those spinny restaurants that moves around in circles as you eat. we do have free pretzels and granola bars at my office though, so i guess that’s kind-of the same.
on the down side, you’re always the last to know when the building’s on fire. we were all diligently (lie) working when one of our consultants runs over and announces “um…there are like 100 people on the grass outside...looks like they’re evacuating the building.” i was careful not to use any exclamation points to describe her announcement because there was no exclamation involved. this might be a good time to say that i work for a really laid-back company.
so, after we all got done with what we were working on, picked up all of our personal items and finally started smelling smoke, we decided to join our building-buddies in the grass (after meandering down the 12 flights of stairs). there was lots of smoke. and this is what came to our rescue.
there were probably about 32 fire trucks, a couple of ambulances, a few dozen police cars and even one of those cool unmarked vans you see on csi. it was like a little party – only i was sad everyone forgot the marshmallows (i guess i never knew that word was spelled with an “a” as in mallow. i always pictured an “e” because marshmellows mellow me out. what is a mallow anyway? (it’s a plant…i just looked it up)).
so, tons of flashing lights and smoke and a surprising amount of unalarmed onlookers. i guess everyone was secretly hoping the building would burn down because, hey, day off! i wanted to let my loved ones know that i was a goner so this is the string of texts i sent meghan. i had to keep sending her stuff because she kept not responding (she claims her phone was dead) (i don’t believe her)):
1. maybe my office is on fire
2. that’s it for me!
3. i’m a goner!
4. tell milo i love him very much
5. goodbye cruel world!
6. woman! do you not care that your only sister is dying in a fire here?
i have such a caring family. don’t worry though. i was just trying to scare her. i wasn’t really dying. just sitting on the grass watching the firefighters spray water all over the place. as it turns out, our official office dumpster was on fire..not the actual building. i’m not really sure that it’s our official dumpster, but i assume it is because clearly someone wanted to burn it down and that only happens with official stuff. also, how else would you explain the csi van?
March 21, 2007
hotlanta
p.s. i'm not sure why these people are doing flips in the atlanta airport...
i’m going to atlanta this weekend for work. i’ve never been to atlanta except for the airport twice…i almost missed my flight both times…have you ever had your name announced over the loud speaker of an airport? yeah, mine was announced both times in atlanta. i’m like a local celebrity there now – i can only imagine the red carpet they’ll roll out for me as i get off my plane with whispers from the crowd “hey, it’s chelsea walker. i wonder if she’ll actually make her flight this time .”
i’m pretty excited to visit atlanta though. i’ve only heard good things about it. granted, the only things i’ve heard about it are from a friend who moved there during high school and immediately kissed the girl in the shawn mullins music video. i guess that would give anyone good things to say about a place.
one of my only memories involving atlanta is when a coworker was going there for business and everybody kept saying “have fun in hotlanta...” or “off to hotlanta, huh?” i didn’t get it – don’t they know it’s pronounced atlanta? i didn’t correct them though – after all, i was only an assistant. but now, every time somebody says atlanta i think, “don’t you mean hotlanta?” …and research shows that they probably do. turns out hotlanta is actually real and it looks way more fun than atlanta. i bet that’s where the shawn mullins video girl lives.
i’m pretty excited to visit atlanta though. i’ve only heard good things about it. granted, the only things i’ve heard about it are from a friend who moved there during high school and immediately kissed the girl in the shawn mullins music video. i guess that would give anyone good things to say about a place.
one of my only memories involving atlanta is when a coworker was going there for business and everybody kept saying “have fun in hotlanta...” or “off to hotlanta, huh?” i didn’t get it – don’t they know it’s pronounced atlanta? i didn’t correct them though – after all, i was only an assistant. but now, every time somebody says atlanta i think, “don’t you mean hotlanta?” …and research shows that they probably do. turns out hotlanta is actually real and it looks way more fun than atlanta. i bet that’s where the shawn mullins video girl lives.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)