all i need to know i learned in vegas

i spent the past week of my life in good ol’ vegas for a conference and some play time. i had never “done vegas” before. and probably don’t need to do it for another 25 years. i need to give it credit though. it was very fun to have the mom there for the first part of the week and the boy there for the last part of the week. we had an amazing place to stay – thanks kale! and got to do some amazing things – thanks bill! plus i definitely learned some things that i may not have learned otherwise.

1. las vegas is not veggie friendly. that’s such a funny phrase. it’s not like i was arrested for being vegetarian or anything, but maybe that would have been a nice alternative if the prisons have vegetable options. i figured one of the world-renowned buffets would have at least a salad, so on the one night that i was by myself, i went to one. now in case you haven’t seen a picture of me recently, i only have two arms, which means i could only cart back so many plates at a time. it’s not like i’m a huge pig, but you can’t very well mix your soup with your macaroni casserole or whatever it was, so you need multiple plates. plus, since i was alone, i didn’t dare leave my purse behind, so i had that in tow too. so i would go and get a bowl of soup and drop it off at my table and then go and get a salad and take it back…and my soup would be gone. and then i’d leave to get a roll…and then my salad would be gone.

now maybe (definitely) i’m just stupid to the ways of proper buffeting, but nobody told me the secret. so, everytime i got up, i’d strategically leave something behind – my chapstick, a piece of important-looking paper…so the waitstaff would get the idea that i wasn’t actually leaving. finally, my waitress came up to me and told me i had to leave my ticket on the table or else she’d keep taking my uneaten food. what a thrifty little system. she ended up taking my uneaten food anyway because the only thing i liked was the soup.

2. if this isn’t enough meat for you, try visiting bodies: the exhibition. very cool. plus i learned that women have more taste buds than men. i think that expands past food – think style, decorations, movies…

3. good taste includes giant pretzels from giant pretzel stands. especially ones where the employee actually shushes you when you ask her for mustard.

4. david copperfield is the only living magician to have his face on a postage stamp. cool.

5. if it weren’t for vegas, i may have never found out the bill’s secret aspiration of becoming a magician himself. after copperfield, he sold his soul for a couple of coin tricks and spent the entire weekend wowing our drivers, waiters, concierges… my favorite was when one of his coins dropped onto the restaurant floor and half the waitstaff came over armed with flashlights and knee pads to help find it. i didn’t help look. the visual from my seat was much more priceless.

6. bill doesn’t like roller coasters. period. i thought he was just kidding for awhile, but it turns out he was telling the truth. i finally believed him after forcing him to go on one and watching his face turn from green to ghost white to polka dots. that might be a dealbreaker if it wasn’t for his killer goatee:

7. i have elf ears. i already knew this (the doctor told my mom to tape my ears to my head when i was a baby). this picture is a reconfirmation though. my coworker says its endearing to have elfish ears. and then he sent me this picture and said this is what i look like. p.s. i really did look like this when i was 5.

8. if you get a chance to see any of the cirque du soliel shows, do it! we saw love and o. both amazing productions. plus it’s just a really good confidence booster to be able to sit in something semi-resembling a circus act and not want to pee your pants because of how scary the clowns are. although the contortionists in o were pretty…um…. interesting…

viva las vegas! only viva it without me – i’ll be in colorado eating veggies!