house of wax - part ii

so against my better judgment (and because natali made fun of me for being 25 and not being skilled in the art), i decided to try waxing my legs again last night. standing in front of my waxing options at target, i was almost tempted to get nair again just because it was cheap. then i remembered that cheap usually means cheap and chose sally hansen spa wax hair removal, $9.90-something plus tax at your local target. i was already more optimistic – the lady on the cover looked much smoother than the lady on the cover of nair (also, there wasn’t actually a lady on the cover of nair, which should have tipped me off).

at first it was kind-of exciting – i had to put the wax in the microwave to melt it. it looked like gak – all purple and oozy and such. and they gave me popsicle sticks to spread the gak on my legs. i was starting to wonder if i would get to make macaroni ducks next.

to my surprise, and relief, it was working like a gem! that gak pulled my little leggy hairs right out of there and i didn’t even scream once. the problem came when i started accidentally touching stuff…see, when you buy cheap products like nair, the wax doesn’t actually stick to anything (legs included), so cleanup is cake. but that sally hansen has figured out a way to make her wax stick to everything. she should probably consider starting a line of crazy glue. slowly but surely, my bathroom started turning purple along with my hands and various articles of clothing. i would try washing my hands but that sally hansen is clever and somehow made the gak-wax water/soap/fingernail/chainsaw proof. i looked like the purple people eater - even my two-year old nephew ran in looking for me and immediately hid in my closet once he saw me in all my monstrosity. even though my bathroom looked like the cat-in-the-hat got hold of it, my nephew wouldn’t even come in.

also when wax doesn’t come off easily, you start wondering if you’re actually ripping hair out, or if you’re ripping the first few layers of your skin and then your hair just kind-of falls out because there’s nothing more for it to hold on to. my left thigh is actually proof that this theory is true – i debated posting a picture, but remembered that this isn’t bodies: the exhibit and probably nobody wants to see my thigh innards since all my skin is now gone.

so bottom line, the waxing itself was a significant improvement from last time. but if my legs don’t stay baby-butt smooth for the next 8 weeks, i vow to never wax again. two hours of my life, missing leg skin and a bathtub full of perma purple gak stains just isn’t worth it.