white elephant how to

(me coveting, riley presenting and jack just being hot)

i’m pretty impartial when it comes to actually wanting a white elephant gift, but when it’s a jack skellington gift, there’s not a lot i wouldn’t do to get that guy. let me back up and give credit where credit’s due… riley – you rock! not many people can perfectly capture jack-ee-poo’s charming skeleton grin and dreamy curious eyes using mostly toilet paper tubes…talk about another notch on the “dustin definitely married up” chart. now here’s the good part about white elephant gifts. if you’re smart and determined enough, you can totally work the system. i won’t lie, you will probably have to make a few sacrifices and a few tears might be shed, but if you’re fighting for jack skellington, the end definitely justifies the means. here’s a quick how-to:

1. hone in on the gift you want (i know this seems like a common-sense step, but in this day and age, i don’t want to leave it out and then get sued because someone didn’t do this step since it wasn’t spelled out and then the results were off.)

2. form an alliance with another participating white-elephanter (keep in mind that both of you probably won’t benefit so find somebody who loves you enough (or is drunk enough) that he/she doesn’t mind giving up the chance at a good (is there such a thing? (yes…it’s called a toilet paper jack skellington)) gift. plus, you have to accept the fact that what goes around comes around and at a future white elephant exchange, you have to be willing to be the sucker for somebody else.)

3. pray your guts out that one of you gets the gift on its final exchange. (an alternative to this step is to form an alliance with someone really tough and bully-like. then you can just gang up on the person who got the gift you want at the end of the game. joke’s on them (note: if you’re really tough and bully-like and plan to take this approach, you can skip step 2.))

in this particular case, my mom ended up with jack skellington and i ended up with a food scale, which was apparently a pretty hot ticket item back when people still cooked with black and white food. what a great woman to agree to switch with me so i could longingly look into jack’s eyes while she weighs her carrots.

but like i said, you have to be willing to be on the brunt side sometimes. at my company christmas party, my coworker tom was dying to get this antler rack that my other coworker amy brought. my number was one of the last so i vowed to get that thing for him. i did. and in return, i got this rockin’ gift.

discovered uses thus far include giving “the rock” to my nephew, holding a drink/flowers/crumpled up paper because who would want to just hold those in your bare hands, acting like you became the hulk (or had a deadly tar-growth) on one limb of your body, and of course, a winter glove. the funniest part about tom getting the rack was that amy brought it to get rid of it and never have to look at it again and tom’s bringing it into the office to display at his desk…he sits right next to amy…i feel partially responsible but not that bad because who can even feel bad after getting an oversized fist?